If you've already spent time in
Steelport, you know that it's a place where an enterprising gang leader
can earn cash and respect by chauffeuring tigers around, protecting
friends from attack while perched in a helicopter with a rocket launcher,
laying waste to city blocks with a tank, and participating in all sorts
of other activities. Genki Bowl VII, the first mission pack add-on for
Saints Row: The Third, brings four new activity types to the smorgasbord
of mayhem and violence that is Steelport. Unfortunately, only one of
these new pursuits measures up to the inspired zaniness typified by the
activities included in the original game. Genki Bowl VII is a slight
piece of downloadable content that mostly feels downright mundane
compared to everything that came before.
Professor Genki, the homicidal man-cat
whose Super Ethical Reality Climax competitions are a staple of the
Steelport entertainment scene, ups the ante once a year, devising deadly
new contests for a select group of proven warriors. As the leader of
the Saints, you're given the opportunity to enter this annual tournament
and prove yourself worthy of being crowned Genki Bowl champion.
Story is a minor part of this escapade,
and laughs are in short supply. There are a few cutscenes in which
returning commentators Zach and Bobby set up the events you're about to
participate in, but the main game's hilarious scenes featuring your
customized character engaging in the business of ruling a gang while
naked and speaking in a zombie voice (or sporting whatever absurd
characteristics you've selected for him or her) are sadly absent.
Without these spirited interludes and the humor they inject into the
proceedings, the events of Genki Bowl VII feel a bit lifeless and
isolated from the rest of your character's adventures in Steelport.
Your participation in Genki Bowl VII begins with an event
called Genki Apocalypse. In Genki Apocalypse, you're tossed into a
booby-trapped, mascot-infested gauntlet, in which you must kill your
enemies and make your way to the exit alive. If you think this sounds an
awful lot like the Super Ethical Reality Climax events you've already
played, you're not wrong. The only things that differentiate Genki
Apocalypse from SERC are the amusingly cheap jungle set dressings that
decorate the obstacle courses, and the shark-infested pools and streams
within them. The first time you see a mascot wander into water and
instantly get devoured by a great white, it's a delightful surprise
that's perfectly in keeping with the cartoonish carnage that helps make
Saints Row: The Third so exciting.
But as amusing as this little
touch is, it can't keep Genki Apocalypse from feeling like more of
something we got plenty of already. And the two instances of Genki
Apocalypse don't even measure up to the better SERC events. The Genki
Apocalypse layouts are a bit labyrinthine, and although Saints Row: The
Third manages to make a surprisingly wide range of activities enjoyable,
maze navigation isn't one of them. Failing an event not because you were shot one too many times by a guy in an energy drink costume but because you failed to find the exit before time ran out is no way for a Saint to go down.
After completing your first
Genki Apocalypse event, you're invited to take advantage of a Super
Ethical PR Opportunity. Here, you must drive the psychopathic professor
himself to a public appearance. Professor Genki's ride, the Genki
Mobile, is especially effective at mowing down pedestrians, and it
sports flamethrowers on the front and sides. These features come in
handy, because Genki is a demanding passenger. In addition to keeping
him away from the overzealous fans who try to swarm around you, you must
appease him by causing a tremendous amount of death and destruction
before delivering him to his destination.
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